There are wounds that never show on the body that are
deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.
*Laurell K. Hamilton
The Saturday before Christmas, I returned to my car, put my swim gear in the trunk and then saw the shattered glass from the broken driver’s window. My eyes glanced over to the passenger seat floor where I had foolishly left my new hand-made leather shoulder bag that was now gone. The purse contained the necessities of living in the 21st Century: cell phone, driver’s license, credit cards; extravagant little pleasures -- a beautiful red Visconti fountain pen, an elegant leather checkbook cover; and, most precious, my deceased partner's key ring and her Mona-Lisa mesh make-up bag.
The concrete stuff has mostly been taken care of -- banking stuff, credit cards, driver’s license, etc. Now there is the time and space for the emotional trauma to settle in – the intensity of which has surprised me.
Through their loving empathy and compassion, I am grateful to those friends who made me feel held and supported. But in essence the journey has been a solo one -- no partner by my side to soothe and comfort. And sadly, I, also, have been unable to soothe and comfort myself... The feelings are multiple: grief, anger, depression, loneliness, isolation.
It is five weeks since the break-in and theft. As I write this, I ponder whether to attend the Qigong mini-retreat starting in 30 minutes at a local yoga center to gain some inner peace or a private lesson at an indoor target range in the hopes to release some inner grief and anger -- both at the same reasonable price of $35. I'm undecided. Which might you choose?
(...to be continued 1/27/19)
*author Mistral’s Kiss