“Depression can kill you. It can also be a spiritually enriching experience.
It's really an important part of my theology now and my spirituality that life is not perfect...
and I had to acknowledge that I had all kinds of flaws and sadnesses and problems.”
What was to have been a month hiatus turned into a multi-month hiatus. What was to have been a chill time turned into a major depressive episode. Though plagued with a history of dysthymia; major depression is a whole new experience. Unlike some major depressive episodes, mine found me functional – my morning swim remained intact as did my morning poached egg, bacon, scone or other breakfast delight.
These past several months found me doing a lot of inner work. Spiritually, I attempted to meditate, pray, cry out for help from whoever or whatever is out there while also believing perhaps nothing is. Weekly therapy sessions filled with tears, anger, disappointments, jealousies – all the things we don't want to feel. They were all arising with loud voices. Conflicts with friends were birthed and gratefully resolved.
Then one day – the depression lifted. As I reflect upon it, I recognize the depression brought all the hurt that dwells deep within my psyche to the surface. It forced me to face and embrace all the dark aspects of my self. They're not gone forever. But they've been seen, heard and understood. I acknowledge their presence as a part of the fullness of my being...
So I'm back in the saddle of blogging. Not on as rigid a scale of every Tuesday and Friday -- but back. Until we meet again, cheers and many blessings for a Thanksgiving filled with love, laughter and gratitude – for everything – the good, bad, and ugly....
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NOTE: Depression is a serious diagnosis and should be treated accordingly. Anyone experiencing a major depressive episode should be assessed by a professional for treatment which is exactly what I did in my own situation. Depression should never be glossed over or ignored. The above is a blog of my experience and should not be construed in any way as recommended treatment or even consideration for someone going through a major depressive episode.