Ego - Source of Fun?

While in Portland, OR, for a retreat, I meet Anthony, a sixty-year old Englishman. We chat and he invites me to dinner. Recently, I set out to free my Inner Seductress... Perhaps she'll emerge this evening in the company of Anthony.

During dinner, Inner Seductress is nowhere in sight. Rather my Wild Feminist emerges finding herself in the company of a White Patriarchal Male whose main acquiescence to feminism turned out to be the Dutch treat.

The last evening in Portland, I go out for dessert. As I pass the front window of the restaurant, there sits Anthony with a young blond. After an enlightening spiritual retreat my ego's belief system re-emerges and shouts:  “You are old and undesirable!” Even though there was no spark with Anthony, I am teary and furious. Is this not an insane reaction – Yes! I go into the restaurant's bar and order dessert.

I engage in conversation with the couple next to me. We leave the restaurant at the same time. I describe my drama to them and ask if I can walk out with them. Beck, the wife, walks 75 feet ahead; while her husband, Ron, and I leave the restaurant arm in arm. I tap on the window and we both wave to Anthony.

While this was childish and reactive, it was fun and gave me pleasure...and it changed the end of the story.  Now as I reflect on the situation, it brings laughter rather than the tears with which it began. It was ever so sweet to connect with Ron and Beck. Plus, it brought to my awareness the possibility of fun our ego's belief system offers us when we do not take it too seriously.

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