Vulnerability is basically uncertainty,
risk, and emotional exposure.Brene Brown
Something is birthing within me. Or perhaps defense mechanisms and outworn masks that no longer serve me are falling away. Depending on your belief system, it might be called the 'dark night of the soul,' spiritual teacher, Matt Kahn, refers to it as 'the unravelling of the ego,' and a psychotherapist might call it 'depression.'
I began a search for God early in my life. Today, words like Universe, Energy, Nature are sometimes used to replace the word God. God is a loaded word. It is associated with religion and we know how many wars have been fought in the name of religion. But truth be known, if God exists, s/he was around long before any religion formed.
With older-hood I know my connection to the Divine is what brings me inner peace; and that Divine connection comes through connection with others. True connection happens as we allow ourselves to be vulnerable with others. And vulnerability happens when defense mechanisms, masks, and belief systems soften.
So whether we call it 'dark night of the soul', 'unraveling of the ego', or 'depression'; I recognize this is what is happening with me. The real me that felt she had to keep a low profile, because she wanted to feel safe and be liked, is finally being allowed to emerge. And, she is a little pissed, and rightfully so.
Being real is a lifetime journey. It feels I am in the next chapter of it. And I am open to wherever it leads...